No one knows how you feel unless you tell them. Unfortunately, I have spent far too much time in and around Doctor’s offices and hospitals in the past couple of months. One of the first questions you’re asked is always about how you feel. They have even developed a cute chart of faces to help you describe your pain.
Why do they ask you? Because they can’t know how you feel without input from you!
The same is true when it comes to emotional pain. Friends, co-workers and family can not know how you feel unless you tell them. We are all guilty. It happened to me last week. A comment was made in a public forum. I believed it was directed at me, and took offense. I stewed on it for a week, ranting on occasion. I dreamed of confronting the person – of putting them in ‘their place’. Even as my mind was spinning its creative and spiteful wheels, I knew that possibly – just maybe, I was wrong. WRONG, and perhaps the comment was completely unrelated to me (could it be I am not the center of everyone’s universe?).
I decided to be proactive. I sat down and crafted a letter. I started by saying that maybe I was wrong, but I needed to know. I explained how I felt and why I felt that way. I concluded by acknowledging that maybe I was wrong. Within hours of deliver of the letter, I received a call. The comments were completely unrelated to me or mine. I gained a new perspective and my hurt feelings were soothed.
You see, I was hurt and offended unnecessarily. I was carrying around a grudge and the other party was blissfully unaware. It is too bad that we do not have a pain scale for our emotions. It is too bad that our colleagues, family, and friends do not inquire about emotional pain scale. So, maybe it is time to speak up and let others know. Perhaps, like me, you’ll find it was all one huge misunderstanding.
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